NEWS FLASH

Huw Edwards rarely cracks a smile when reading the news. Thats because hes terrified that if he did, his makeup woul crack, and his secret would be revealed.
Unbelievably more than 98% of the Welsh newsmans face, is covered with complex polynesian tribal tattoos, which he is forced to disguise with thick concealer before going on air.

Indeed according to a reliable BBC insider, Edwards must spend an incredible THREE HOURS prior to every broadcast, having flesh toned pancake applied to his skin, before he looks normal enough to go in front of the cameras.

The source told me 'Huw had the tattoos done following a £1 bet with the sound man, whilst covering a G8 summit in Tahiti. Hes bitterly regretted it ever since, of course, and the irony is that the sound man got a job at ITV a week later, so Huw never even got his pound!'



Ever wondered why Fiona Bruce, the ice cool News at Ten and Antiques roadshow diva, keeps her head so still when reading the news?
According to my BBC grass, its because Fiona is one of the few women in Britain to ware Burmese neck rings, which stretch her neck to an incredible length of 2 foot 6 inches.

Bruce underwent the neck stretch procedure after watching a World in Action Programme, featuring the Giraffe women of Burma. She now has an amazing 120 rings on her neck, which she must keep on for life.
'The vertebrae are stretched so far apart that if the rings were removed, her head would flop on to the news desk, and she would die!' a leading surgeon told me over cocktails.

Surely not, how have I not seen these rings Craig, I hear you ask, well just hold your horses Im about to tell, and dont call me shirley.

To disguise the neck when reading the news, Bruce kneels down behind a foam rubber torso, specially created by boffins in the BBc special effects department.
To add realism the man who used to operate Gordon the Gopher works a pair of artificial limbs to shuffle the papers!

With regard to the Antiques road show, Bruce relies heavily on Stunt doubles!